Teddy2you: Broken heart. Poem Letter.... - Teddy2you

Posté 11 June 2009 - 03:53 PM

Now I'm here, in front of you
Now I grew up, me too
In front of your eyes
Down the red skies

Those red skies mean love
Where we were together
Where we were there forever
Yes, I remember that big love

Now I'm here watching you
Hating me for a silly reason
I can't forgive myself sometimes
Beleive me I really loved you

I can give you my soul baby
If you need it one time, really.....

-Malila.

It looks like more a song not a poem, but, tell me what do you think about it^^"
Thx.

-Malila.

Ce message a été modifié par malila6 - 19 June 2009 - 10:18 AM.

FoReVeR i WiLl DiE iN tHiS fIrE wHo'S mY lIfE...◊

Death is not an ending, it's a new beggining...

Posté 11 June 2009 - 08:40 PM

Posté 17 June 2009 - 03:29 PM

You're right, it looks more like a song..
The theme is nice but there are some mistakes
Did/Does red skies mean love
believe me I really loved you
--Where we were there forever--
How can you be there forever if you're not there anymore?
Didn't really get it..

And i'm not really sure you can say : Now i grew up, me too
It doesn't sound english even tough i do understand what you mean.. but it took me quit a moment to realize it

But you're writing poems in english now which is a good step after all
Keep going I'm sure you can improve

Posté 19 June 2009 - 11:36 AM

Posté 19 June 2009 - 03:46 PM